Calendar planner

Should I check the homework, planner, calendar for my ADHD teenager?

Question: “Twice a week, I have my 14 year old daughter sit down with me to show me her diary and homework. She gets so angry when I do this. She feels like I’m harassing her, but I need to know what’s going on with her schoolwork and activities to plan our family calendar and anticipate areas where she might need support. It is a constant battle. What can I do?” – CRosen


Hi CRosen:

Your question really touched me. When my son (who has ADHD) was in college, WE would hold bi-weekly meetings. “We” is the key word. I presented these “meetings” to Eli as a partnership and not as a one-sided conversation. It was important to me that he felt that it was as necessary to know what was going on in my week as I needed to know his. You might say a level playing field. And I think maybe that’s what you’re missing.

With phones and agendas in hand, we spent a few minutes at the start (usually Sunday) and middle (Wednesday) of the week reviewing upcoming schoolwork, extracurricular activities, personal appointments, family events, etc. We went through the tasks, the timing, the logistics, all the details and the work involved in setting up a schedule together.

We kept our meetings informal and light, but included everything from upcoming tests and project dates to play rehearsals, doctor’s appointments and weekend activities.

To avoid being a “nag,” I made sure to split my schedule (and my husband’s) too, so he knew if I was traveling or had any late-night plans. Therefore, he knew if he could count on us to come home after an activity, an evening study session the day before an exam, etc., or if he needed to make alternative plans. . By approaching our time together as a joint planning session, my son never felt that I was being intrusive or critical.

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Believe me when I say it took a long time to get there. But by constantly reminding him that he needed to know if I was available on certain days and hours, made him available to me! These weekly meetings also allowed me to help him develop time management and planning skills (so essential for those with executive functioning issues) by encouraging him to think ahead and plan for the future. accomplish what he had to accomplish. It also allowed me to offer critical support and encouragement.

I don’t know if you have any other children. But to make these meetings more “family”, I often asked my oldest daughter to attend as well, especially when it was a very busy week. Although she didn’t necessarily need support, her gift made my son feel less in the spotlight. Food for thought.

Good luck!

Check Homework Collaboratively: Next Steps


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